Most days, I don't have a problem with finding something to be happy about. I wake up to the cutest puppy in the world. (No I'm not biased). I have one of the most wonderful friends in the world who works hard to help me work through the pain I feel. Unfortunately, there are days that I just can't find anything good about.
The therapist says that I will have days like that, but I am tired of them. I miss walking into work and telling everyone "Good Morning!" in a singsong voice. Now, I slunk to my office hoping no one will notice the tear tracks going down my face from the cry I've had on the way to work.
I realize that the relationship I had was a bad one built on mistrust and deceit. In my mind, I know that there is probably something better out there. But I can't help wanting to go back HOME. He was my home, my family, my confidante, and my heart. Without him, I feel all alone and empty.
How do you find happiness when there is only emptiness inside and a sense of uselessness? How do you feel self-worth again when you've been tossed aside like an old toy? I am so lost right now.
Everyone says to give it time that I will feel better in a few weeks. I don't feel I have the time. I just feel this urgency that if I don't get better soon, I will never get better. I will be a little old lady pining away for the loss of her one true love.
How do I stop my heart from yearning for what it cannot have? It would be easier to ask me to stop breathing because I haven't taken a breath since the moment I walked away from him.....
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