How to be self-confident...

One thing I have always lacked is self-confidence.  When it comes to math or accounting, I have self-confidence because I've proven to myself that I know how to do these things.  However, when it comes to being comfortable in my own skin, I have very little confidence.

Last night, I downloaded a book on self-confidence.  Most of the steps are common sense like get a new hairdo, try new clothing style, get your nails done, hang out with confident people, etc.  All of those ideas are good, but only temporary.  One bad hair day and your confidence is wrecked.

I believe to boost my self-confidence, I need to exercise and lose more weight.  Unfortunately, I just don't have the desire to lift my butt off the sofa and go do it.  Where do I find that strength to pick myself up and just do it?

When I was 22 and a size 8, I didn't have self-confidence.  On the inside, I was still me.  I was the fat girl everyone made fun of in high school...I was Two-Ton Buns.  My senior year of high school I lost 60 pounds, but still lacked confidence around the opposite sex.  I married the first man that told me I was beautiful.  Big mistake!  That's another story.

According to the new book, in order to gain self-confidence, I have to write positive affirmations every day.  The theory is that if you repeat them enough, you will begin to believe them.  Affirmations work well when you are in the privacy and comfort of your apartment, but what about when the boss is asking why you haven't finished a project?  When work is so overwhelming that you don't know where to start?  All the self-confidence in the world cannot get the boss to hire a new person to help with some of the load.  I don't even have the time to figure out where I need help.

What to do?  Is self-confidence a cure-all or an illusion?  If I had self-confidence, would my life suddenly, miraculously change for the better?  It's worth a try.  Especially, when there is no where to go but up.

Moving on...

Life has a way of carrying us forward.  A few weeks ago, I moved into an apartment.  It's small by most standards (especially when you don't have enough closet space), but for me and my puppy, it's fine.  Every morning we go for a walk.  The complex is landscaped and the grounds are beautiful.  My puppy loves the abundance of rabbits, birds, and squirrels...who seem to torment him when we go for our walks.  He keeps me moving. 

I realize now that if I am going to be happy here, I am going to have to make friends.  The first order of business is to start smiling again.  In most of the pictures taken of me recently, I'm not smiling.  I'm not frowning, but I am certainly not smiling.  What happened to that easy smile I had a few years ago?  How do you get your smile back?  I'm not talking about the one you reserve for friends, family, and loved ones.  I'm talking about the one that says "Hello!  I am a happy person who loves people.  I want to meet you because I feel you're special!"  Maybe that's overkill, but its the smile when we show the world we are open to life, love, happiness, and (dare I say it?) trust.   AHA!  That's what it is!  I've lost my trust. 

When meeting new people, you have to have just the smallest amount of trust because you are sharing your name and a small piece of yourself.   Today, I still wonder if I am ever going to get the piece of myself back that I left behind.  There's definitely an emptiness in my chest now where my heart used to be...

So, how do you rebuild trust, not only in others, but in yourself?  Baby steps.  It starts with a smile.  A smile says you are opening yourself up to learn about others.  It shows interest in other members of the human race.  It's the simplest communication device we have available.