Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I get by with a little help from my friends...

After the breakup, I moved in with my best friend and her family.  I will treasure this time always.  She and her husband allowed me the time I needed to heal both mentally and financially.  When I came to them I was a wreck.  I was suffering from the worst case of depression I had ever experienced.  There were days I went without eating because I simply could no swallow.  I lost 40 pounds in about a month.  With their love and kindness, I've come back to life. 

While in the relationship, my self-esteem hit rock-bottom.  I hated how I looked because I wasn't measuring up to his expectations.  At one point, I blamed myself for everything.  That's exactly what he wanted. 

Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a happy, confidant, beautiful woman.  I love the woman I see peering back at me.  I know what she went through and how she fought to regain her life when all she wanted to do was lay down and vanish into the earth.  She didn't.  I didn't. 

My best friend admitted to me that there were times when she wondered if I was going to make it back.  She was scared I would do something crazy.  I thought about it, but I couldn't.  One thing I've been taught all my life is that life is precious.  I just had to get my fight back.

Strangely, I have a glow to me now.  I smile.  I laugh.  I play pranks.  I have more friends than I ever thought possible especially since I tend to be a loner.  I am more of an extrovert, but I am still not as social as I'd like to be.  There are still situations that intimidate me.  I'm getting stronger and better able to face those situations.    I am certainly not a doormat anymore.  I value me. 

The one thing I wasn't taught growing up in the South was that I have value as a single person.  Growing up, I heard graduate from school, get a good job, find a husband, raise a family, and grow old.  As a single woman, I had no worth.  That's so wrong! 

I am more valuable to myself, my friends, and my family now.  I have fought demons and won.  I have wisdom.  When my daughter, step-daughter, mother, friends, co-workers, etc., look at me, they see me...a strong, loving, kind, beautiful, vital, productive, intelligent woman striving to make a name for herself.  I am woman!  Hear me roar! 

No comments:

Post a Comment