Why

Why do I feel that I need a man to validate me?  Is it because southern women are raised to believe their place is in the home, barefoot and pregnant?  Is it because the church tells us that we are not viable human beings unless we marry a man and have children?  I am having the hardest time trying to find value in myself as a single person.  At a time when I should be selfish and work on myself, I just can't figure out how to do it. 

In the whole of my life, I've only been alone for a year.  It was the most excruciating miserable year of my life.  Here I am, back in the single life.  Why can't I stand to be alone with myself?  How do I find that place where I find my own company satisfying?  How do I learn to stop and listen to that inner voice?  Am I just wired wrong?  Is there something horribly wrong with me?

One experiment that I would like to try is to go to the movies alone.  Last night, there was a lone woman in the theater.  My first reaction was "poor thing" she's all alone.  Then, I realized what a brave person she was for doing what she wanted.